foodmuseumblog

Aardvark Burgers Are the New, New Thing

The sole survivor of its genus,  Tubulidentata, and the tastiest, apparently, the noctural African aardvark increasingly is turning up on menus from Peoria to Pasadena. Returned Peace Corps volunteer Al Rowan zeroed in on the potential for aardvarkian meat- "it's dense, low in carb, and tangy, with a hint of watermelon--" on a return visit to his village in Burundi.

Locals head out at dusk with snype-catching gear to fetch the well-meaning, hapless animals home for processing. Rowan figures he will have aardvark farms up and running on a large scale soon, as the American burger chain, "Don't Ask, Cuz You Wouldn't Want Us to Tell," which specializes in burgers created from obscure ingredients, just placed a mega-order for the slightly mauve-looking ground meat.

 

Vicious Veg News

A rabid turnip the size of a vertical dachshund apparently tore into a Target store in downtown Toledo yesterday, startling shoppers in search of marked-down lip balm.
"It nipped at me heels," exclaimed Myrtle Birch, a homeless woman who would not be parted from her overloaded Target trolley.
Though formerly rare in botanical circles, the rabid turnip, Brassica rapa var.rapa rapacious rabida, is on the rise in neighborhood victory gardens.

Pies

It seems that William Penn had two elderly aunties reknowned for their fruit pies. The aunts lived in a village in Britain whose citizenry for years happily paid the asking price for the ladies' succulent pastries. But one day the ladies were arrested and tossed in jail,  because of their Quaker activities.

The villagers moaned and groaned at being cut off from their favorite dessert. Finally, after much protest outside the prison,  they persuaded the jailers to allow the ladies to make and sell their pies from behind bars. Because of the difficulties involved in  production from jail, however, the ladies were forced to raise the price on their pies.

Then the villagers protested yet again! They were unhappy with the Pie Rates of Penn's Aunts.

( Get it??)

(Thanks to Henry Selters, good Quaker from Albuquerque, for this wretched tale.)

ffuts yhsiF

Tcaf nwoonk elttil: fi uoy tae edispu nwod, ro sdrawkcab, uoy lliw ton niag na ecnuo! eurT.